Today...

Today I am having one of those days where I feel like everything is just a little out of my reach. Things seem so simple on paper... but when you try to put it into practice suddenly it's all so difficult.
But despite that... the weather was beautiful, I'm not hungover and I feel like writing. So here is what I did today...

The day started off on a sour note I was rudely awakened TWICE by my housemate's "boy"friend (I use that term loosely as he has to be in his 60's... my housemate is also around the same age so no reason to be disturbed) shouting. I'm not sure what he was saying or to whom, but I believe he is a little nuts so I decided not to ask.
So I stayed in bed until he left, counting the hours until I get to move into my own sweet house far away from aging alcoholics (apart from myself of course). Then I got up and decided to have pulla for breakfast (pulla is basically sweet buns... therefore I had cake for breakfast) and coffee. Neither of these were available in my house so I had to walk (!) to my local cafe and very convincingly ordered in Finnish. Feeling very proud, I then proceeded to check my account (also in Finnish, but just pressing buttons randomly) and found I hadn't been paid. Then I spilt my coffee all over my pulla.
Realising my beautiful friend Kati was on her way over to help me (i.e. do it all for me) with my computer issues, I rushed back to my apartment to shove clothes in cupboards and sweep the dust further under my bed.
Kati came and solved my computer issues... far too easily for my liking... so now I can import and upload photos! YAY!
So I cooked her lunch:




Roasted capsicums stuffed with rice, eggplant and chili... mmmmm.
Then somehow wasted 3 hours "researching" on the net and editing all my photos.
After realising how unproductive I had been I decided to go for a walk around my area... Ruoholahti. People say it's Helsinki's Venice... if this is true I am never going to Venice.




Kinda pretty though...
All that fresh air made me feel like being physical... but due to lack of boyfriend I decided to go and join Kati and her friends for a game of rugby. As soon as I arrived and discovered what a ridiculous game rubgy is, all notions of sportiness dissolved and I took some photos instead and daydreamed about... stuff.





After rugby... well, actually after half an hour of it (it's not a very interesting game to watch... especially when they take the tackling out of it... I mean, what's the point then????) I wandered back to my apartment to find it blissfully empty.
So now I have the evening and 3/4 of a bottle of gin all to myself. The evening is going very quickly though... unlike the bottle of gin... perhaps this will be my alcohol free night this month, I mean week.

Life goes on and somehow I manage to also.

Little bit of background.

I thought I might give everyone a rundown on where I am and what I'm doing at the moment because so far my blogging hasn't been very factual (or possibly interesting).

So...
I'm in Helsinki. That's in Finland. That's in Europe. That's almost on the other side of the world to Melbourne. Here I am.
It's nice here, as I have mentioned. It's starting to get dark earlier now... which makes me think I need to start saving for big furry clothes and boots. Almost every person I've met has warned me about winter. It can't possibly be that bad!!! But we'll see...

I am working in a Lebanese restaurant in the centre of the city. It's very fancy. It has table cloths. Apparently this is what seperates fancy from fast food here in Helsinki. It's actually not very posh though, not compared to most fancy Aussie restaurants I've been to. But it's the best ethnic restaurant in Scandanavia. This is what my boss told us all before we started... just so we'd feel comfortable and not under any pressure.

My workmates are pretty cool... but after only a month I'm down to half of what I started with. The serivce industry in Finland is not so great. It is not a coveted career path. This means I work a lot. My feet hurt. I may have mentioned that previously.
I really enjoy the job... apart for a few little things. Naturally. This is life.
One of my workmates is a wonderful Russian woman who is the most confidant woman I think I have ever met. She rocks!
She draws me diagrams on how to put on makeup and I buy her beer and make her go out dancing after work. It's a great relationship.

I have found an apartment to live in... I'm moving on the 6th of September. This is very exciting because I get to live on my own again and rejoice in my hermit style life. One of my new wonderful friends is sadly leaving the country for a few months and I get to rent her very cute apartment. It has a mezzanine bed and big windows. I am very happy about this, but disappointed that she has to leave.

And some friends I have met... Rowena from Perth who has her own business (see previous post) and is very inspiring. She is this gorgeous brave woman who gets to travel all around the world for her job and is in charge of lots of people and they all love her. She also has a wicked sense of humour. Kati... an international Finn who has lived in many glamorous places including Paris and Canberra. She looks like Julie Delphy and wants to walk across New Zealand as a statement. She is a photographer and translator and has excellent taste in music and beer. And she rocks the dance floor. Ilona... Russian princess as mentioned previously.

I'm amazed that I have met so many women. I know I have mentioned this before, but those who know me well will understand my astonishment.

I am also doing some recording with an electronic musician called Karri.O (check out his website). It's really different stuff to what I'm used to, but I think it'll be fun. And I can now play bar chords on guitar!

So... there you have it. My life at present. Not overly exciting or challenging. But big plans for the near future. I don't want to jinx them though but if anyone has a lot of money lying around that they want to invest... now's your time.

Things I find really hard to do...

Sometimes I think I have a part of my brain missing... the part that can figure out how to get photos off my digital camera on to my computer and various other problems like this. I hate the fact that I am a very independant woman, living alone in a foreign country, supporting myself financially and emotionally... yet I can't work my fucking camera or computer. So, I have to email friends that live in far away countries for techinical support and I feel like I've failed a simple test. But then I think, well... maybe my brain is just not wired for this kind of thought process.
I had an interesting discussion with my friend the other day about learning disabilities. She helps to make everyday information accesible to people who have trouble understanding it. Stuff like bus timetables and so forth... (that's part of her job anyway). I found this really interesting because I often struggle understanding types of information and instructions, and I feel really stupid and embarrassed about it and it made me think how hard it would be to struggle everyday with seemingly simple things... or at least things other people find simple.
That's it though... everyone is made so differently that "simple" can only be a concept. It's totally subjective. I find remembering the words to hundreds of songs simple... but many other things very complicated.
Almost anything to do with computers baffles me. I didn't grow up with them and I don't feel comfortable with them. I have a Mac now which are relatively simple but I don't know how to use 80% of it. What's a script editor? Where do my downloads actually go?.
The whole concept of the internet still amazes me and I have absolutely no idea how it works. When I asked someone what a blog was they thought I was joking and explained it as they would to someone who used the internet for more than email... so I had to ask three other people before I understood.
And even in my own industry of music, most of the time I'm bull shitting just so people don't think I'm a dumb blonde singer... even if they are correct in that assumption!
Don't get me wrong- I love learning about things... everything, anything... but I just find it hard to understand or retain certain information.
When you travel and live abroad people ask you lots of questions about your homw country... like: How big is it? What's the population? blah blah blah... I know none of this. I know it's ignorant, but it's not like I haven't tried to learn it. I'm just not interested so I don't remember. I don't find this information about any countries particularly interesting. I'd prefer to know, what the music scene is like? What kind of cultural festivals and traditions do they have? But, I'm getting off my point.
My point is... actually to be honest I didn't have one.
I guess I'm wondering if it's bad that I don't remember the amount of people in Melbourne... or good that I remember almost everyone's name that I've ever met.
However... I still can't import my bloody photos! (Although I did manage to get the batttery out of the camera to recharge it... it took 30 minutes but eventually I did it, and that's what's important!)

Why am I here? The eternal question...

This blogging thing is proving to be much harder than I thought...
I'd like to just use it to tell people what's happening, but nothing much is happening. But then that's not true either.
I feel like I have found somewhere that I want to live for a long time. I'm not entirely sure why... maybe I'll have changed my mind after Winter, but I feel home. For the first time in so many years I feel like I'm home.
Talk about discovering my roots!!!

Since I have been here everything keeps falling into place. I found a job I like (despite the various associated problems) and a job that has totally inspired me to do something else for myself. I will explain more about this later...
I think I have found a really nice apartment. I know I have found lots of wicked friends and I keep meeting more.
It's like everything I need at the moment is presenting itself to me, almost gift wrapped it's so easy. This, naturally, makes me a little nervous.
I can't help thinking it could all go to shit so quickly... but I am just ignoring that niggling thought and concentrating on where life will take me next.

Helsinki is a funny place. It seems to be quite extreme. There is this really underground cool culture of creative types who seem to stay underground. I am beginning to meet them, but in basements! And then above ground there is this strange world where during the day everyone moves kind of slowly, all look very similar and wear socks with sandals. During the night they move even slower in and out of the bars. Of course, I am generalising to the extreme here. But this is my overall impression. It's a strange place.

It's very casual too. My friends and I got very dressed up the other night and went out on the town to all the fanciest bars and restaurants. The kind of dressed up that would be totally normal for a night out in London and everyday wear in Tokyo, but in Helsinki people really looked... and looked... and looked. I mean, we are three wonderfully sophisticated women so it's not surprising, but normally it would create such a stir. It's nice to go to so much effort and be noticed though...

I'm not really sure what I'm trying to explain here... I guess I want to describe the atmosphere of this place. There is something intangible about it... but it's something quite comforting and this is why I think I will live here for awhile.

I think things happen because they are supposed to and I think I'm beginning to realise why I felt so strongly about coming here. I'll keep you posted as things progress...

A quick break from my usual cynical outlook on life...

The thing I love most about life is that I am amazed and delighted by something every day. I'm not sure if that's just because I'm easy to please or just because I allow myself to be.

Tonight I was walking home (on the verge of tears my feet hurt so much) and I passed a group of Asian tourists (or so I assumed) who were sitting on the harbour singing. And none of this drunken crappy singing, but really inspired singing. I mean, they were probably pissed but at least they were doing something productive and creative with their lack of inhibitions instead of staggering around and yelling slurred insults at me like most other drunks.
They made me smile all the way home...

I have all these wonderful people in my life and I know that this is what it's all about. Not money, not power or fame or anything like that... just about experiencing people and being able to smile every day.

So there's my positive thought for the day... for all those who thought I didn't have it in me.

Stairs and Friends...

Why would someone think it was a good idea to put a flight of stairs in a busy restaurant? I mean, carrying plates all night and running between tables is usually exhausting enough, but now I have to run up this fucking flight of stairs at least 30 times a night. I am so incredibly tired. My feet hurt, my back hurts, my spirit is slowly being whipped into submission...
I'm too old for this shit.

Ok, whinge over... moving on... to...

I have new girlfriends! And not just one, but THREE!!! I don't think I've ever had three girlfriends at the same time. I must be sending out some kind of feminime distress signals or something. I feel a bit silly getting so excited about meeting girls, but it's not that easy. The older you get the harder it is to make friends.
By this age people are married, or are too busy with work, or too firmly entrenched in their own little circle of friends to even consider putting the time and effort into a new friendship. I mean, we're always looking for lovers, but so few people (in my own personal experience) seem to be looking for friends. I think I am going to give up on looking for a partner and put the same amount of effort into making and maintaining a few really good friends.
Got to be some karmic advantages also...

Today I learnt a new word...

So, now I know what a blog is. I am still not entirely sure if the whole idea of publishing my thoughts on line is good for me... anyone who has read my rambling emails will probably agree with me... but I'm through with group emails.
If you wanna know what's going in my life... you get to read about it here.
I still find this strange...

Well, today is Sunday... I left work less than 12 hours ago and I have to be back in less than 2. Goal for the week... find life outside of work that doesn't entirely revolve around drinking. Any suggestions??

My workmate is trying to make me into more of a "sophisticated woman"... she keeps giving me make up and hair style suggestions... this is very sweet but I can't seem to explain to her that it's a lost cause. I don't do sophisticated and I even struggle doing woman most of the time. I appreciate the thought though... but I'm not wearing a short skirt and high heels... ever!!

This was my first blog attempt... or is it blogging? How am I supposed to learn Finnish when I can't even manage to keep up with new English verbs!

I have to go to work now and serve society the best way I can with a hangover and 4 hours sleep!