Computer love

It's back and I'm in love again!
My fingers trace the weird Japanese/Finnish keyboard like an old lover, remembering automatically where the comma is and that forward slash... *sigh*

Well, now that I'm back on line and in my room, you can expect correspondence to be back to normal... as in, I will email you again now!

Happy happy happy happy!

Sorry for the late posting of my Easter experiences... I forgot to actually press publish so it´s been sitting in my draft box for the past fortnight!

Anyway, news on the computer is positive. Well, the hard drives fucked but I expected that, but I´m getting it fixed so cross those digits I should be up and running again within the month!

Spring has finally (and incredibly suddenly) arrived in Finland. The snow melted within a day and the birds are singing at the tops of their puny little voices. It´s WONDERFUL!!! I am smiling all the time and just waiting for the hay fever season to kick in.

Vappu this weekend. Vappu is May Day in Finland. It´s one of the biggest youth celebrations of the year. People have been warning me and encouraging me. Basically, it involves a great deal of drinking on Vappu eve (and I´ve been told a great deal is like nothing I´ve ever seen before) and then a very hung over picnic on the actual day. So, we´ll see what happens...

I made two new girlfriends. They love me because I don´t like girls. We´re going out on the town soon. Just when I thought I was losing my girly touch... I find it´s back!
One of the girls is a Marnie double. If anyone reading this knows Marnie K from Melbourne then I´ve found her double here in Helsinki. Eerily similar...

That´s all the news from me... well, actually I´m sure there´s more but I´m tired now and I want to go and eat so too bad.

Stay tuned for post Vappu rantings...

Easter in Hel.

Three days of sun. Two nights of partying... well, the list was going to continue, but then I realised that was about it.

My weekend in Helsinki (when I should´ve been in Berlin).

The weekend started off well because I managed to change my flight to Berlin to July. Then I discovered my pay cheque was substantially bigger than expected. So far so good...
N and I headed off to the Rose Garden to check out Alex from Chicks on Speed after a few hours of mingling and warming up at Erottaja (where everybody knows your name... or at least think they do). The music was good, the DJ was luminescent and the Jalo shots were cheap. But there was no Alex from Chicks on Speed! But it was a very cool night anyway so we weren´t too disappointed.

Then on Friday night the gorgeous K hosted a party. It began as a very refined event:
Kir Royale on arrival, cool jazz in the back ground, finger food and interesting conversation.
It ended up with us cycling to Erottaja (yes, again!) with three shots of... um... something... under our belts. We managed to steal a blow up doll from the roof of someone´s car and I also got stuck in a shopping trolley on the way. Oh to be young and foolish!

On Saturday I took it pretty easy. N was exhausted from his yoga course so we had a light meal of pizza (which was so oily we basically drank it) and stayed in to paint Easter eggs.

I originally wanted to have a BBQ on Seuarasaari on Sunday, but everyone was either hungover, or out of town... and most people were both. So I sat on my balcony in the sun and read the afternoon away. Then I painted more eggs.

On Monday, I danced in the living room to the live set of Cut Copy from the Sydney BDO which was broadcast on Triple J. With the sun streaming in the window and the beer cooling in the fridge I could almost imagine I was back in Australia. "sigh"

So, Berlin I have to wait to taste the pleasures you will offer me... But Helsinki, you´ve done me proud!

Berlin ... Helsinki ... and all that space inbetween

Well, Fuck it.

The chances of me actually managing to get to Tallin (in Estonia) to make my flight to Berlin (in Germany) are getting slimmer by the hour.
Ice. Ice ice ice ice ice.
There are usually 7 or 8 different boats you can take to Tallin from Helsinki, but at the moment because of the ice (ice in April! What the!) there are only 3. And they are all fully booked.
Fully booked on Friday, fully booked on Thursday night and not to mention fully booked on the way back too.

Needless to say I am really pissed off and kicking myself that I didn´t book earlier. BUT who´d have thought there would still be too much ice in April???? I mean, the birds are singing! The sun stayed out ALL DAY today! It hasn´t snowed for two whole days! IT`S FINALLY FUCKING SPRING AND THERE`S STILL TOO MUCH ICE!!!

Ok... relax, breathe. I can take this in my stride.
So, I can´t go to Berlin for the weekend.
That´s fine.
Helsinki is a wonderful place. I will have a holiday here... there are loads of things to do.

(insert thinking music)

Right. Now I know why the suicide rate is highest in spring. Going to kill myself by overindulging on licorice.

House cooling?

I´ll have to begin this post by thanking Nik for making me feel guilty enough to actually attend this party in the first place, while he went off to Turku for the weekend... I owe you one, mate.

I was nervous about this party in the first place because the invitation included bringing a friend "because if you don´t the party will be very small". Hmm, how small? Like, just me and you kind of small? Oh crap.
This was the house warming of a girl I met randomly and felt obliged to invite to my housewarming. At my housewarming I discovered that she was basically socially inept, had no sense of humour and could not hold a conversation that wasn´t based around her life.
So, filled with trepidation I made my way to her apartment.

There were two other people there when I arrived and I was overjoyed. I sat on a chair and eagerly waited an opportunity to join in their virtually whispered conversation. And waited and waited and waited. Finally after 20 minutes of trying to look interested while admiring a one room flat, I decided to jump in without an invitation.
"So, you´re both nurses?" Oh, my wit! They nodded. Silence. Bugger.
"Are you originally from Helsinki?" I ask the obviously Finnish woman, hoping that (like everyone else that lives in Helsinki) she wasn´t.
"Yes." Silence. Bugger. They are now looking at me. I smile. They smile. Still no-one says anything.
"And where are you from?" I ask the obviously African man.
"Nigeria". Silence.
At this point I was considering getting totally blind drunk so at least I could enjoy a conversation with myself, but thankfully we managed to start a conversation about travelling. He had been to Iceland in January and was very well informed about the statistics of Iceland.
"The population is 300,000 and the 300,000th baby was born in 2004."
Silence from me as I consider this.
"So, you´re saying that out of a population of 300,000 people, no-one has been born for 2 years????"
He is totally emphatic about this. I am disbelieving... and for good reason. Here is some information about Iceland that I would assume is a little more accurate.
And whatsmore... did you know that in Iceland they have a "Dirty Weekend" every year? All the girls go out and have sex everywhere! It´s an official event!
After hearing this I had to ask who his source was.
"An Icelandic mother... so she should know."
Of course. Mother´s know everything.
Here is what I found out about Iceland´s "Dirty Weekend".

We finally sat down to dinner, but not after a digital slide show of the hostess´recent trip to Australia with full commentry.
"And that´s my Dad... and that´s our friend Shazza... and that´s a tree... and that´s a rock"
Dinner was nice and more importantly while we shovelled food into our faces no-one was able to talk. I tried to figure out how long after dinner I needed to sit there before it was deemed polite to leave.

Conversation soon began again. This time he was informing us all on his eating habits.
"I hate to wait for food to be prepared. If I´m hungry, I´ll eat anything, I don´t care. Just give me a bag of chips and ketchup."
I suggested he move to Sweden to take advantage of their dog food tube style packaging for easier eating.

I decided soon after dessert and two glasses of fairly appalling white wine, that I was all conversationed out and made my move to leave.

I caught the bus to Oulunkyla station, to discover it stops .5 of a kilometre away from the station and had to walk through a slushy park at 11pm.
However, I got home without any problem and sent a grateful text message to Nik.
She´s invited me over to make jaffles next... Let the good times roll!

Options, Choices, Procrastinating...

Okay... so I may have inadvertently suggested that lots of terrible things have happened to me recently, but this is not true. I just feel like my life is on hold until I find out about this university course and whether or not my contract is going to be extended for another six months. And I guess there´s a couple of other parts of my life that are a bit tentative at the moment too.
Nothing´s wrong though.

The problem is that there are too many choices.
Sometimes I wish it was just about finding a husband, settling down and having babies because the amount of things that I can do is mind boggling! I have no attachments, no reason to go or stay anywhere, no career to pursue, no family that needs me, no money... that is about the extent of my restrictions, money. And I manage to get around that!

So, my first problem is that the world is my oyster. I can do whatever I want in it. I am still young enough to have the option to study almost anything I choose, to travel anywhere I can afford and to work crappy mindless jobs and still pretend it´s romantic!

This leads to my second problem: I have no ambition anymore.
I used to want to be a musician. That was it. That was all I ever thought about, all I ever considered. I was going to be a famous singer. Then I realised I didn´t want to be a famous singer. I still adore music and want to perform as much as I can, but fame and fortune is not for me!
But this was my dream and now... well, I just can´t decide what I want to do.

I love working with children so I could study early childhood education. I am fascinated with psychology so I could study that. But then on the otherhand, I love painting, literature, cooking...
I´d love to start my own business. I´d love to write a book.

But what should I do?????

And THEN... I love to travel and I don´t want to stop. I want to see all the countries in my dreams and dance and drink wine and meet people and play music with people...

Too many choices... and the clock keeps ticking... and I´m still sitting here wondering what the hell to do.

Grumpy

I have recently been told by close friends that I am ditzy (not the first time incidently) and that I complain too much.

I can´t help but think that I am totally misunderstood by most people. No-one seems to get my tongue in cheek sense of humour about... well, basically everything. People always think I complain, but there is actually very little in my life I´m unhappy with. I guess maybe it´s sounds like I´m whinging to the untrained ear, but Jesus! If you take everything I take seriously, you´ll end up with the total wrong idea of me! I´m Australian for God´s sake! This is what we do... we take the piss. We whinge, we bitch, we moan... but we don´t mean it! Life is good... so we need to pretend it´s not! If I like you and trust you, I will tease you. That is just how I am.

And the ditzy thing... well... this has got me down. Especially because other people have mentioned it before. I am aware that I am not very intellectual or particularly smart, but to think that people think I´m ditzy... it just makes me want to dye my hair black and start writing Gothic poetry. I would like to imagine I can hold a fairly intelligent conversation about a variety of things and although I wear high heels in the snow at times, it´s always for an appropriate occasion!

Maybe I am not good at self representation. Maybe I should take myself and others more seriously. Maybe I shouldn´t be so excitable or enthusiastic about things... but the sad thing is... until really recently I wasn´t doubting myself. I was really happy with myself. Now, I am grumpy... with myself and everyone.

Not to mention the rest of my life which is totally up in the air until July... and then it will still hover a foot above ground probably forever.

No wonder I´m so fucking insecure at the moment... I have absolutely nothing to feel secure about!

Anyway... finished whinging now. And this time I was being serious.

April in Finland

I woke this morning and saw sunlight streaming through my blinds. Excited by the prospect of Spring finally arriving, I jumped out of bed, hoisted up the blind and found it was only the street lamp illuminated against the overcast sky.
Go back to bed and will the sun to shine when I open my eyes again.
When I look out the window I am devastated to find it´s now snowing.

This is Spring in this country.
No wonder no-one writes songs about it. It´s so fucking depressing.

I´m trying to keep positive. Yesterday one of the kids at work found a blade of grass and it was so exciting we all stood around it and stared for about 20 minutes. Even when it rains now I get a little flicker of hope in my heart. Because rain is not snow. Rain melts snow. When snow is melted it´s Spring.

No-one seems to remember a Winter this long, except for those who remember it snowing in June. I don´t want to talk to anyone anymore!

I must admit, I´m finding it hard to imagine feeling warmth on my skin anymore... it just sems like a long forgotten dream.

Diva Night

5pm.
Just arrived back from Stockholm. Lying on my bed eating lollies and reliving the concert while listening to the cd.

5.30pm
Realising I should probably start to get ready I head for the shower where I buff, shave, pluck, wash and all those other girly things.

6.30pm
Try on chosen outfit. Realise I have no stockings. Curse a lot. Attempt to fix torn fishnets. Fail. Curse more. Rummage through cupboard and find very old pair entangled with other very old underwear. Make mental note to throw them all out.

6.35pm
Discover outfit makes me look a pregnant hippo. Throw it on the floor and have a mini tantrum.
Pull all clothes out of wardrobe in attempt to find new outfit. Find summery style dress.
Look outside at the snow. Put on summery dress.

6.55pm
Suddenly realise I should be at the train station. Blow dry hair. Decide the Swedish hairdresser should be tarred and feathered. Throw on jewellery and somehow manage to apply too much make up while looking for high heels.

7.05pm
Walking to the station in red open toed stiletto high heels. Finding this very difficult. Freezing in inappropriate coat that matched my dress but not the weather. Trying not to feel like an escaped circus sideshow freak. Failing.

7.15pm
On the crowded surburan train. Discover ladder in my stocking. Curse.

7.30pm
Buy new stockings at S-Market. Get lots of strange looks.

7.45pm
Meet K and Z at Torni for pre-dinner cocktails. Coo over choices of outfits. Change in to new unladdered stockings in the toilets.

7.55pm
Discover there is not time for pre-dinner cocktail. Wish I´d brought a hip flask.

8.05pm
Arrive at Casaro. Intimate Mediteranean style restaurant. Greeted by the male owner who checks us all out very obviously. F is already there. She is not wearing high heels. Feel somewhat jealous of her ease in walking. A and H arrive. Everyone looks gorgeous and compliments fly. Order tapas, meze and two bottles of wine.

8.15pm
Have already finished a glass of wine and wondering when we are ordering more.
Introductions and small talk.
Food arrives.

8.30pm
White wine is finished and talk is becoming much more candid. Order more wine

9.00pm
Food arrives. I eat chicken risotto which is delicious. Too busy taking photos and drinking wine to eat though and realise I am only a quarter of the way through when everyone else is finished.

9.45pm
Food leaves. Dessert is ordered. Wine is still flowing. I am drunk.

10.00pm
Talk and laughter is loud now and wine is finished. Argument begins about next destination. I worry about trying to walk in heels again.

10.30pm
Outside. Argument continues about next destination. Is settled by my diplomacy. We continue.

11.00pm
We walk past Vanha, the club we wanted to go to, and discover women in ball gowns and men in tuxedos standing outside. Decide we aren´t quite that dressed up and find cheap club with no door charge.

11.30pm
Drinking cider and dancing to Madonna.

12.00am
Still drinking cider and dancing with some guy.
K and A leave.

12.10am
F leaves.

12.30am
Music is crap. Z, H and I decide to leave.
Walking is much easier drunk.
Decide to head to Erottaja to meet Z´s husband and brother. H decides to go home.

Rest of the night...

6.00pm
Find myself on my way home in the middle of a blizzard, still in dress and shoes. Trying not to whimper as the snow covers me.

7.00pm
At home in jeans, eating pasta. Feeling good.

Stockholm Knife

Last week I went to Stockholm with my friend Nik to see a somewhat obscure band called The Knife. We thought we´d make a bit of a trip out of it so we left on Wednesday and caught the overnight ferry. After my recent Tallin ferry experience, I decided I wasn´t going to leave the cabin at all, except of course to visit duty free!
Of course, after a bottle of wine I was ready to go dancing so we braved the crowds of suit wearing men and stiletto wearing women and headed for the disco. It didn´t take us long to realise that the disco had been overtaken by Scandanavian Hunks who were literally (and I´m sure being quite well paid for it) taking their clothes off. We beat a hasty retreat and ended up listening to a wonderful singer/songwriter from Sweden. She looked like Alanis Morrisette and sounded like a cross between Sheryl Crow and Janis Joplin. So naturally we requested Alanis, Janis and Sheryl and she did them justice. We listened to her just long enough to get drunk (we also happened to be the end of her set) and set off to do some dancing.
After throwing our selves around the floor for about 20 minutes (or and hour or two... who really knows), we headed back to our cabin to let the comforting sounds of breaking ice lull us to sleep.
In Stockholm we stayed in a hostel that was a converted boat (by the end of this trip I had my sea legs!). It was very cool and very red! The view from our cabin window was of ice, a church and someones frozen left over picnic. Interesting.
We wandered around Old Town, marvelling at the beautiful architecture and taking advantage of the sun which reared it´s longed for head. Then, on a quest to find fish net stockings and a cheap haircut, we found ourselves in bar lined back streets jumping sludge and trying to make sense of menus... well, I was. Nik was a little more prepared with two years of Swedish language classes under his belt.
We were successful in all ventures... although the haircut was a little scary as there was no common language available and all the hairdresser managed to say to me in English was "Your streaks... not fine". I responded with all I could say in Swedish, a very sarcastic "tack". Although, truth be told it´s very difficult to make one syllable sarcastic, but I think I made my point.

For some reason I had a craving for rare steak (and no I am not carrying the devil´s spawn) and we managed to find a very Melbourne style pub near the trendy section of the town.
Full of beer and beef we headed back to the hostel to prepare for the concert.

The concert was at this funky ballroom style venue and by the time we got there it was packed. There was no support band, just a DJ, so we pushed our way to the front and patiently waited. I somehow got into an argument with some Swedish girls (no idea how!) so I recieved dirty looks until the band started. This band is notorious for their somewhat anti social behaviour and as the time ticked by, we were beginning to worry that they were not going to appear. But then all of a sudden there were on stage... well, if a ten minute instrumental intro can be described as sudden. Decked out in monkey masks and hands, they kicked off with a song from their latest album. The visuals were awesome but due to my height issues, I couldn´t really see much so I escaped to the back where I could dance properly. Weird thing about Swedes... they don´t dance. I stood at the back over looking heads of totally unmoving people. After a moment of self conciousness my favourite song came on and I couldn´t stop dancing. Nik managed to locate me in the crowd and we danced ourselves silly for the next 40 minutes. And then the concert ended.
WTF!!!!! That´s what I thought as I stood in shock for another 20 minutes. We came to another country to see this band and they played for 50 minutes. I was appalled. And it was so good while they lasted.
So, somewhat devastated and frustrated, we trudged back to the hostel ... stopping briefly to take photographs of me in a life boat suspended over the ice. This was very difficult to get in and out of in a dress, fishnets and sneakers... but I did it and I didn´t break anything.

The rest of the trip involved a lot of eating at tapas bars, looking for cd stores that didn´t exist and drinking wine. We found the local sleazy latin nightclub and attempted our few salsa moves rather badly, but realised that we were not alone in our awkwardness so left feeling redeemed.

On the last day we chilled out, had a brunch while listening to a live jazz band and then realised our flight left in one hour and we were at least 30 minutes from the airport... and we´d lost our metro tickets. We hightailed it to the city, caught the airport express just in time and managed to check in with seconds left.
Back in Finland, we were greeted with sleet and the realisation that the sun had stayed behind in Sweden.

Stockholm is an interesting city and has great food, venues, cafes and live music... but I´ve got to say, Helsinki dance much better.

Stay tuned for Diva night post mortem...