Grumpy

I have recently been told by close friends that I am ditzy (not the first time incidently) and that I complain too much.

I can´t help but think that I am totally misunderstood by most people. No-one seems to get my tongue in cheek sense of humour about... well, basically everything. People always think I complain, but there is actually very little in my life I´m unhappy with. I guess maybe it´s sounds like I´m whinging to the untrained ear, but Jesus! If you take everything I take seriously, you´ll end up with the total wrong idea of me! I´m Australian for God´s sake! This is what we do... we take the piss. We whinge, we bitch, we moan... but we don´t mean it! Life is good... so we need to pretend it´s not! If I like you and trust you, I will tease you. That is just how I am.

And the ditzy thing... well... this has got me down. Especially because other people have mentioned it before. I am aware that I am not very intellectual or particularly smart, but to think that people think I´m ditzy... it just makes me want to dye my hair black and start writing Gothic poetry. I would like to imagine I can hold a fairly intelligent conversation about a variety of things and although I wear high heels in the snow at times, it´s always for an appropriate occasion!

Maybe I am not good at self representation. Maybe I should take myself and others more seriously. Maybe I shouldn´t be so excitable or enthusiastic about things... but the sad thing is... until really recently I wasn´t doubting myself. I was really happy with myself. Now, I am grumpy... with myself and everyone.

Not to mention the rest of my life which is totally up in the air until July... and then it will still hover a foot above ground probably forever.

No wonder I´m so fucking insecure at the moment... I have absolutely nothing to feel secure about!

Anyway... finished whinging now. And this time I was being serious.