I think I'm still in the throes of my quarter life crisis. For awhile I thought I was out of it and had finally found a little direction, but no. I'm still clueless as to what I want to do.
I have lots of ideas. Lots of really good ideas. Ideas that are very realistic. But I don't want to do them.
Perhaps I just need to really admit to myself that the only thing I want to do is be a musician.
Everything else dulls in comparison.

The thing is, I could do this too if I could just get my shit together. Or rather, if I developed enough self confidence to do it.
But now I am in this tiny city where there is not a great deal of music and that makes it even harder. I know no musicians, I have no contacts and I don't even know any venues that I could talk to.

Really... why am I here?

1. I really honestly can't afford to leave
2. I really honestly don't know where else I can go (NEW YORK)
3. I do feel very comfortable here (maybe this is a bad thing)
4. I have met lots of great people here
5. I want to learn Finnish
6. The social services are fantastic
7. I can go to Uni for free (I don't want to go to Uni)
8. It's small, so if I do manage to get my shit together I have more of a chance of actually being successful here.

Are these good reasons???

I'm not doing anything that I used to enjoy doing so much.
Going to see live music, going to the movies, seeing plays, going out for dinner, going to art galleries...
I need to start doing this.
But most importantly... I need to sing, to perform. I think I am slowly dying and losing myself without it. This is what I do, and I haven't been doing it for so long.

Everyday I am going to do something new and write about it. Not so much for your information but just to convince myself that I AM making the most out of my life.

I give it till June next year...