Some days

Most days I love being abroad. I love knowing that I am totally free and not tied down in anyway. I could pick up and leave tomorrow if I chose to. I love meeting new people, I love seeing new places, planning the next places I'll go and the imagining the next people I'll meet. Most of the time it's exciting and interesting and I love it.

But sometimes I feel so far away. Sometimes I don't want new fabulous friends. I want the old ones that have known me for years. The ones I can just call up for a beer without worrying about looking lonely or pathetic. The ones that when I feel a bit down, I know they will say the right things to make me feel better.
Being around people that are new is exciting, but at the same time it is kind of tiring. It seems so conditional all the time. They have nothing invested in me so they don't really care about me as much as I'd like. It's not that they don't want to... they just don't know me. I often feel like I need to make alot more effort. Then there is trying to balance the difference between being enthusiastic and just seeming desperate.

Today I spoke to an old friend. Now I feel homesick. I imagined what it would be like if he was here now. We'd just hang out, play some guitar, drink some beer, watch some football. It would feel like home. Today I don't feel like I'm at home. I feel like I'm far away.