Wine talks.

So, it's the first Friday night I've spent at home since I got here I think and I have a bottle of Californian merlot, cool tunes playing (gave up on the Christmas carols ... I decided it was too pathetic), candles burning and yummy homemade soup in my belly. It's too cold to go outside and to be honest, I can't be fucked.
It's a perfect opportunity to do some writing ... and, truth be told, the wine is very inspiring.

First of all I'd like to write about my job. I love my job. It's the kind of job that I have always dreamed of having. I work with a bunch of rocking little kids who make me smile just thinking about them. The thing I love about working with kids is that they are totally sincere. I asked one of the 3 year olds the other day if he liked my new jumper. He laughed at me and responded with a very emphatic "no". I appreciate this kind of honesty. Of course, he couldn't explain why he didn't like it, and I'm not sure I need to resort to taking fashion advice from someone who wear a t-shirt with ducks and left over breakfast on it ... but at least he had a strong opinion. And they make me play. I love to play! I get to run after them and fall over and make up silly stories and pretend and sing and laugh and this is all part of my job. I guess I'm making up for that year of kindergarten I missed out on. Everyday at work I realise how incredibly wonderful life is and how much I want to make the most of it. This job makes me soooo happy and more importantly ... it makes me feel uselful.

The next wonderful aspect of my life at present is all these wicked people around me. I am constantly amazed that I have managed to find so many interesting and genuinely lovely people who want to be friends with me. For someone who has spent most of her life complaining about difficulties in meeting people, this is truly extraordinary. I guess I'm a late bloomer when it comes to friends. But now, here in this little Northern European city, I have a bunch of very different, but very cool friends. Apart from those I have preciously mentioned, there's A, the product manager for a major car company who swears he can salsa, throws snowballs at me and makes me laugh for hours. J, who tells me lovely things, rubs my back, calls me at 4am when he's pissed and I'm asleep and have to get up in 3 hours ... but I talk to him anyway because he's so sincere and lovely. Female A, she loves her job (I'm still not sure what she does!), tries to get the most out of life and is fantastic at encouraging everyone else to do likewise ... she also whips ass at Scrabble! There's K who is a woman that puts Audrey Hepburn to shame. She is totally cool, sophisticated and simply sweet as pie ... but, as I'm discovering, she has a wicked side too which I love even more. G, the young student who drinks whenever he can, plays football whenever he can't drink and who I've never actually met. We chat online ... flirting about our future meeting, which will never happen if I can help it ... the mystery is too delicious, we're bound to disappoint each other.
There are others that I run into constantly ... but I'll leave it at these few for now as the wine is beginning to slow me down.

Someone commented on one of my previous posts by saying that maybe I am happy when I'm unhappy (paraphrasing). But this is not true. It's not that I want to be unhappy ... it's more that I feel as though I shouldn't be happy. I feel like I'm not doing enough ... not fulfilling my potential. But you know what ... for everyone out there who thinks I need help on how to be happy: I love my life. I just need to learn to realise that it's okay to. Then I'll be happy.

This is great wine by the way ... it'd go really well with some chocolate icecream ...