It's just one thing.

So it's December. I can't quite believe it. 6 months I've been here. People are going to stop being so forgiving for my lack of Finnish soon, I'd better get my shit together.
It's funny when you wake up one day and realise you are doing exactly what you want to be doing or what you thought you'd be doing and you're still unsatisfied. I mean, there are still things I am hoping to do: get gigs, get fit, go iceskating, pay my debts etc. But basically, I should be blissfully happy.

I live in the country I've always dreamed about and I love it.
I have some incredible friends here and abroad.
The rest of Europe is just a stone's throw away.
I have a job that I really enjoy doing AND gives me responsibility and goals to work toward.
I am perfectly healthy.
Most people I know are healthy and happy.

So what am I missing? Love? Passion? Material things? Religion? Children?

I don't know and it's quite frustrating.
The thought that has occured to me many times over the years crops up again ... maybe I won't ever be blissfully happy? Perhaps it's just not in me. Happy, yes, almost all of the time. But really really feeling like my life is wonderful and complete happy? Just not my thing I guess.
In the past this hasn't concerned me because I've always had somewhere to go, someone to wait for, something to dream about ... but now I don't. That alone should make me happy ... but what goes first? Our dreams or our will to live?

Sorry, this isn't meant to sound so depressing. Don't worry, I'm not suicidal, just thinking out loud.

I guess I should come up with a new plan and work towards that. Maybe I'll join a religious cult somewhere and dye my hair blue.